I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
