You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
as a side note pls kill me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
