There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
