I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
