your parents love me but you hate me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize