just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
