I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
