My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
