Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize