My underwear smells like fireworks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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