There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
