I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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