Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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