I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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