You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
