if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
