The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
