So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
