I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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