He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
