i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
