Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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