Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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