I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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