you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so explain again why im purple
no
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You are a genius and a whore.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
