mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
