I accidentally had phone sex last night
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
