i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
