What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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