i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
