It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
foreskin is a definite game changer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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