This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
