when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's blow job season.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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