No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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