You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
