I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
