I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
