Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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