i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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