Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
