Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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