I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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