Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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