Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
