I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
