Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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