you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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