Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
