if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
