How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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