Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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