I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
