So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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