I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
