i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
