my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
