Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
