K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize