I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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