Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
