it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
