there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
