Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
