Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
