i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
