Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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