morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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