o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Say something about gay babies.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
