I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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