he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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