Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
where are my eyebrows?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
