I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The power of my boobs compel you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
