just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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