woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
