Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
