Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
PANTIES FOUND
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