remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
