wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
